6. He loves it when you surprise him – By this I mean do something totally out of the ordinary,
just for his benefit, and to see the look on his face. A few examples would
be: Going out to dinner, and while you’re waiting for the waitress to seat
you, lean over and whisper in his ear “You won’t have to take my panties off
later when we get home, because I’m not wearing any”. Or after the kids go
to bed and you’re going to curl up and watch a movie together, go into your
room to “get your PJ’s on” and come back out with no top on, telling him you’re
going to need his help keeping warm, because somebody told you it was
“topless movie night”. Once you pick his jaw up off the floor,
you might just find he isn’t paying much attention to the movie anymore.
Another one would be to surprise him when he is taking a shower by jumping in
the shower with him that “you’re having a hard time using your hands this
morning, so he is going to have to help soap you up today.” I’ve heard several
wives say that they love to see the look on their husband’s face when they
surprise him like that. You’ll have your husband wondering what’s gotten into
you!
7. If you have to say “no” to sex, watch how you say it – I know it seems silly, but you have no idea how hard
it is sometimes, for a man to get up the nerve to ask his wife if she wants to
have sex. Usually he will try to “test the waters” first, by hinting at it, or
maybe a little grab here and there, to see how you’ll respond. All this time
there is a little argument going on in his head sounding something like this –
“Just ask her! No, last time I asked her flat-out, she rolled her eyes and said
something about that’s all I think about. Yeah, but this time it might work.
Come on, I really want to make love. Can’t she see that? Maybe I’ll ask her
later after dinner. Yeah, I’ll help with the kids and the dishes, and then ask
later. (fast forward to 7pm) Ok, see, I got the dishes done, maybe I should
hint at it now. Nah, I’ll wait until the kids go to bed. As soon as the kids go
to bed, she’ll be able to think about me. She has to know it’s been a couple of
days, I’m sure she’ll be ok with it. Right? (The kids go to bed) Ok, I think
I’ll ask now! Wait, she looks like she’s got something going there on the
computer, I’ll give her some time to get that done. I’ll just ask her when we
go to bed, it will be more of a sure bet then anyway. (10pm rolls around, and
they’re crawling into bed) Ok, I’m going to ask! “hey hon, do you want to make
love?” This is how it goes in a guy’s head when he’s thinking about
asking for sex. Why? Because guys have this strange tendency
to make sexual rejection (even with a good reason), a personal rejection.
Since the need for regular sex with his wife is so much a part of who he is,
any rejection of that need, feels like a rejection of HIM to your husband.
I know this is hard to understand, and wives don’t mean it that way, but this
goes for almost every husband I have ever talked to. Now obviously there are
times when you are going to have to say “not tonight hon”, but the
key is HOW YOU SAY IT. Don’t do it in a nonchalant or dismissing
way. Remember, he has been working up the nerve to ask you for the past
several hours most times. When you deny him, say something like this – “Hon,
I love to have sex with you, but I just can’t do it tonight because (fill in
the blank)” Then if he’s really pent-up, you could offer to help him
out in another way besides intercourse, or give him a realistic date to “get a
rain check”, like tomorrow morning, or the next evening. That way he feels
like you understand he has a legitimate need, he feels like you care,
and he feels like you want to help him as soon as possible. You’re still
saying “not tonight”, but he doesn’t feel like you don’t care, you’re
just blowing him off, or that you think sex is not important. One other
thing – sometimes if your husband has been thinking about you all day, and
then for whatever reason, you have to turn him down that night, he may feel
like he “can’t wait” until tomorrow (no fault of yours , sometimes it’s just
hard to turn it off, after it’s on). If you roll over and offer him your help
to get a quick release before you go to sleep, he will sleep much better, and
you’ll be a hero in your husband’s eyes. You just showed him that you
care, even if you can’t offer him sex right now. I can’t
understate how much this will mean to him.
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8. He LOVES to see you turned on – There is nothing quite as sexy
to a husband, as seeing his wife thoroughly turned on, and enjoying sex. In the same way, there’s nothing quite
as discouraging to a husband, as you laying there with an almost bored
look on your face, and with the attitude of “would you just get it over with
please, so I can go to sleep”. To your husband, his ability to arouse,
stimulate, tease, drive you crazy with desire, and help you climax, is a huge
part of what he feels his “worth” is as a husband. If he feels like
he is failing in bed, he is going to be discouraged in other areas of life too.
In contrast, if he feels his wife thinks he’s amazing in the bedroom, he is
going to be much more confident and have a “I can conquer the world”
attitude. You can help this by showing and telling him (not in a faking it
way) how much he turns you on, or makes you feel good, as you’re making love.
Obviously he’s not going to do everything right, but make sure you let him know
when he DOES hit the right spot, or do something you find particularly
hot. Now I’ve heard wives ask the question “but what about the times that
I’m not really into it, but am doing it because I love my husband, and know he
needs it tonight?” Men understand you’re not going to have the same
drive for sex that he has every time. He gets that. All he’s hoping for
when this is the case, and you’re just giving him a “quickie” for release, is
to not make him feel like he’s annoying for wanting it, or that he
interrupting your day and you have so many other things you could be doing. He
needs feel accepted by you, even when you’re not particularly into it
this time. Smile and give him that “come here baby, I know you need it and
I’m here for you” attitude. Whispering a little encouragement in his ear in the
process is a huge bonus too. ;)
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9. He wants sex to be adventurous sometimes – I’ve gotten the question from husbands “how do I get
my wife to be a little more adventurous with sex? (different locations,
positions, etc)” Here’s the deal – there are 3 basic “kinds” of sex for
a guy. There’s what we like to call the “normal” or “go to” sex
(mostly in the bedroom, consisting of what we know always works, and satisfies
both parties), there’s “Quickie sex” (a quick but passionate encounter
that provides release when a longer session isn’t realistic at the time), and
there’s “out of the ordinary” or “adventurous” sex (sex in a not normal
location (outside, back of the mini van, etc), or learning a different
technique or position that may be out of the “normal sexual menu” for the
couple). This is usually a tough one for wives to understand, because I think
for the most part I think a woman approaches sex with a “I like to stick to
what works, and what is comfortable” , where a guy’s attitude may be more “I
like normal most of the time, but sometimes I want to make it exciting and try
new places”. While I’m not suggesting you go make love in the city park and
get arrested, what I am saying is to try to understand where your husband is
coming from. He sometimes sees sex as an adventure that you both are going on
together. He wants you to be excited/thrilled to be on this adventure with him.
For example, say you are taking a hike through the woods together somewhere,
and when you stop for a break, he makes a move toward turning it sexual. Try
and resist the urge to slap his hand away and say “honey! not here!” Even
if you’re not comfortable with right here, right now, see if you can find
another location down the trail where you would be. Remember, adventure!
:) Even if it’s not exactly what you would have fantasized, you will
have just made your husband’s day, and maybe even year. He’ll be
talking to you about “that day we went hiking” for years to come!
10. Be a student of your man – I addressed this a little for
the guys in my post “Sex:
It’s not all about you”, but the same
goes for the wives. Learn and observe what you husband likes in the
bedroom (or out…lol). What color of panties/bra does he like best on you?
What parts of your body drives him most wild? What turns him on the most? What
turns him off? Does like it when you’re express yourself loudly when you have
sex? What is his favorite position/location? A wife who is willing to
learn the ins and outs of what her husband likes most when it comes to sex,
will have one of the happiest husbands on earth.
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(I know I said 10, but I guess I can’t count) He loves it when you
sexually flirt with him
– Whether it’s the
“for his eyes only” text you send him during the workday, suggesting what
you’re going to do later, or the surprise little “grab” you give him when he’s
helping you dry the dishes after dinner, flirting with your husband this way
let’s him know you desire him, and are thinking about the next time you
are going to be together. Little things like wearing cute panties, or a skirt (there’s
something about a skirt that drives most husbands wild) with some sexy
underwear underneath, go a long way in letting your husband know that you love
being his only source of sexual attention, and get a kick out of keeping him
guessing with what you’re going to come up with next. I know it’s easy to go
into “mommy mode” and just wear what’s comfortable/practical, but when you
remember, it drives your husband wild if you give him a little “eye candy” when
possible
If you as a lady can make it a priority to do some of this stuff on even a semi-regular basis, your man will be willing to conquer the world for you, and will be more than willing to be there for you emotionally, be strangely communicative, and you will feel closer to him than you would ever believe.
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